Do you ever feel so clueless about where you wanna go in life?
You do? Well, I know exactly what that feels like.
Let me tell you a story. There was a point in my life where I transferred from one house to another for 13 times in a span of 2 years because of the financial and emotional instability of our family.
Can you imagine how chaotic that had been? I had mastered packing up and I was a convert minimalist because of this. Filling up address forms had been a real struggle.
But what’s really a struggle was getting confused about who I was becoming in the process. Too many changes in a span of a short time did not allow me to adjust, and outside influences messed my image of myself up, and I ended up having no freaking idea of what I really want to do with my life.
When I realized what’s happening, I know that I have to be firm with who I really am and what I really want, or else, I’ll end up just going with the flow of life and feel lost.
So, one day, I wrote a journal about who I am and made a list of what truly matters in my life, so I know how I’ll make decisions to prevent myself from fucking up. I didn’t know that by doing that list, I was actually defining my personal core values.
What are core values?
Your core values are the things that truly matter most to you. They highlight what you stand for, and define who you truly are.
Basically, they are your soul’s deepest desires, and knowing them and being able to align all areas of your life in accordance to them will help you nourish your spirit and design the life you truly want.
There are so many reasons why getting clear on your values is important if you want to create a life you love:
It will help you make wiser decisions and allow you to create a clear vision of where to go.
If you didn’t know yet, life is all about making decisions, and every decision that you make will create the outcome of your life. But making decisions can be difficult if you don’t know what values you are living for.
If you are clear with your values, it will be easier for you to pick the right college degree, career path, life partner, sports, exercise, life purpose, social circle, spiritual groups, the place you will call your home – basically everything else in your life. You’ll know what to prioritize and you’ll be able to easily say no to things that don’t align to them.
It will allow you to create your own definition of success – and pursue that regardless of what society tells you
We are so tricked by the outside world that the only way to be called a success or to be happy is to be rich and famous, that’s why most of us end up unhappy because we keep on chasing these things when they’re really not what our souls want.
Or maybe we feel shit about ourselves because we feel like a failure for not having such things (I mean, society favors the rich and famous more. And what does that make other people?).
But that’s why the society and the mindset we had created is flawed. In reality, that’s only 2 values out of hundreds of them. I mean, if fame and fortune were the goal, then there wouldn’t be rich and famous people who are so unhappy and miserable, right? Go to google and search for celebrity suicide news and you’ll see lots of sad stories about them.
I believe it’s time to start living life going after the success that you defined for yourself. I believe that true success is living in alignment to what truly matters to YOU. Not to your mom, your friends, the society or anyone else. The meaning has to come from what’s within you.
And once you figured out what true success means to you – whether that’s to live in comfort, to be financially free, to be the best mom in the world, to have inner peace, to play music all your life, or to save the environment – it’s your job to focus on fulfilling that and clear your head and your life of any outside intruders (and mentally tell them to get the fuck outta here).
You have the power to create your reality, and to start that, you gotta do the basics. You gotta get clear of what you want and what truly matters to you, so you not only create any reality, but rather create the reality that is aligned to your soul’s deepest desires.
What are your values?
My core values are freedom, love, creativity, adventure, wellness, and care for the earth. Every decision I make, I base on these 6 things. If something is out of alignment with them, I say no to it, guilt-free.
I remember going through my first accidental values discovery process when I was deciding for my college degree. I’ve changed majors thrice before I finally settled on my fourth course. I went from Accountancy to English to Communication Arts to Advertising.
A lot of people would argue that it was a complete waste of time and money. I mean, it would’ve been better if I’d known my values then so I could just funnel down the best choices for me, right? But at that time, following my heart was the best steps I did. If I didn’t listen to what my gut was telling me, I could’ve wasted more time regretting everything in the future.
Freedom is my ultimate core value, that’s why I ended up experimenting with different careers because I don’t wanna feel trapped doing work that I hate. We only live on this earth once. Wouldn’t it be amazing to live everyday doing work – something that occupy a large proportion of our lifetime – that we are so addicted to?
So I tried different things – I tried working in admin, trained in sales, sang in a band, sold clothes and frozen food, experimented online businesses, until I realized that working online will give me the freedom that I’m looking for. I then developed some skills (thanks to my advertising degree for the introduction to marketing, psychology and arts) while I worked in my day job, and incrementally shifted into becoming an online full-stack marketer.
Although I was passionate in helping other people build their online businesses as a full-stack marketer and my value of freedom is being met, I felt like something was still missing.
That’s when I realized that I still have other values that are not fulfilled. I realized that I want something deeper, something that allows me to spread love and happiness. Something that allows me to be creative. Something that gives me the adrenaline as if I’m on a daily adventure. Something that allows me to share my stories and past experiences about healing my trauma that could help other people with their well-being.
Until after doing lots of trial and error, I realized that writing books, designing journals and teaching people how to love themselves and design a life they want is what I wanted to do for the rest of my life – and when I started pursuing that path, I was in pure orgasmic bliss every single day. And I already feel successful even though I still have a long way to go.
In reality, we always have the choice to let the world adapt to us. A lot of great people in the past had done it. You just gotta be willing to follow your heart with what you have and where you are now, and first know what matters most to you. Because life will be amazing if you do you.
Knowing my values helped me create a life that I truly love.
Imagine if I wasn’t clear about my values and settled at what life throws at me. I might have ended up graduating with an Accountancy major, working in an office job that I don’t really care about from 9-5 every day, with a controlling and selfish partner, eating unhealthy food, constantly complaining about my life, and doing things that don’t make me feel fulfilled. I might have ended up so dissatisfied with my life.
Now just thinking about this scenario and not being able to live in freedom makes me feel sick to my stomach.
How do you figure out your values?
I believe that deep in our hearts, we truly know what we really want. We just have to tone down the outside noise and listen closely to our hearts. So…
Spend more time with yourself.
Solitude played a huge part in discovering my values. When you do things alone, you start to see YOU. You start to notice what you want, what bothers you, and what makes your heart filled with delight, without any outside influences.
Go on dates with yourself. Go to the movies alone. Go to the spa. Travel the world if you got the budget. Try all the activities you can involve yourself with. Try everything you can try. And while you do, see what experiences put you in bliss. Observe what things make you the happiest, and what things make you feel the most uncomfortable, hurt or sad. These things will help you define your values.
Reflect on your experiences in the past.
Take time to really analyze your past experiences. Answer the following questions:
– What events in the past did you feel authentically happy? What moments did you feel fulfilled, accomplished and aligned? What values were being fulfilled?
– What events in the past do you feel the worst? Moments that you were hurt or most sad? What values were being violated?
See examples of these values and see what lights you up.
To give you a better picture of the different core values out there, I created a list of values you can look at, to see what lights you up. You can grab your journal and list as many as you can. List those that deeply speaks to you.
Once you listed everything, simply narrow them down until you only have at least 4-7 values.
Keep redefining your values
Everyday, we go through different experiences, and sometimes we discover something new about ourselves in the process. You may think that you value adventure now, but sooner or later, you may discover that you value peace more.
We also enter new chapters in our lives, and access new levels in the process. Life is all about growing as a person. In time, your values may change. I encourage you to just always listen to your heart, and adjust your life accordingly.
Slowly align your life to your values
Once you finally figured out what your values are, slowly realign your life to them. If you realized you’re currently out of alignment with your values, you don’t have to do any dramatic changes immediately. You can start doing small things that could help you get there.
You can start by decluttering your life of little things that don’t align your life with your values. Think about the stuff you own, the activities you give your time and energy to, your relationships, the media you intake. What are the little things that you can let go, so you can create space for more of your time and energy for things that truly matter to you?
Defining what truly matters to you is an act of self-love, because it shows that you prioritize what truly makes you happy and not rely on whatever life throws at you and settle for it. I totally believe that you are deserving to live the best life you are so addicted to. Agree? Share me your thoughts!