Hey lovelies! Happy Valentine’s day! Since it’s hearts day tomorrow, I wanna tell you about one of my favorite manifestations – marrying my soulmate.
Yeeez. My marriage with Gianpaolo isn’t totally an accident. It came with the combination of being intentional about certain things, following my gut, some prayers here and there, doing some inner self-love work, and riding with synchronicities. Let me tell you a little more about it.
So, my husband and I have been together for almost 6 years and married for 3 years but we keep on realizing that we just love each other more and more each day. Like, srsly, sometimes, we’re in too much bliss that we couldn’t believe that such amazing feelings exist, and that we’re too lucky to experience them.
Of course, we’re not perfect. Our relationship started rough because of different outside issues. We sometimes fight, but in our 5+ years of being together, we never really gotten into a big soul-sucking fight (you know, those fights that shake up relationships and sometimes lead the parties involved to fall out of love for each other).
We also had some almost-break-up episodes during the first year we’re together because we’re living 7 hours away from each other, and we’re both very busy with work, but that’s just some normal long-distance-relationship thing, and mostly caused by our longing for each other (And apparently, my coping ways is to try to break up with him every time I’m missing him so much – woman logic right there yo).
But other than these things, we’re a perfect match – especially now. There’s just this strong spark going on between us – and after 5 years, it’s still alive.
How Gian and I met
Gian is my best friend’s (Ynna) guy best friend’s (Laurence) best friend (did you get that? lol). We met at Laurence’s house party, and seriously, the minute we met, we got this special connection that we never felt before. It started there and the rest is history.
Now, he’s my best friend, my hero and my life partner. He keeps me safe and cared for. He just really makes me feel special. We’re together through the ups and downs, through overcoming fears and doing crazy adventures. I know this sounds super cheesy and romantic to some of you, but that’s just really how he made me feel, no exaggeration here.
Just this morning, we were talking about our goals, dreams and our plans. We’re currently working together on my business. He’s helping me with my systems, just making the load lighter for me. Recently, we’ve been doing our morning rituals together. I just really enjoy spending my time with him. It’s just so simple and pure.
Okay. I think I’m done gushing about my husband and how wonderful he is now, and ready to go on to how I actually manifested such soul partnership.
So yeah, around 2010, when I was still a lonely single girl, I stumbled upon the concept of manifesting. And upon knowing about it, I had this thought, why don’t I try this thing to my romantic life and see if it really works?
So yeah, I did, and here’s the exact process that I did. Some of these things are inspired by manifesting, but some of them I did accidentally, not knowing that I was actually sending an intention to the universe and doing some alignment work. :
I got clear on what I want in a partner.
One night, I started writing on my journal the kind of man that I wanna be with forever. Here’s what’s on that list:
he’s someone smart
he has a good job
doesn’t love partying and drinking a lot (occasional stuff is okay)
can handle a woman like me
he makes the first move (I really don’t like waiting for a guy’s call/text)
believes in a higher power as well so he won’t make fun of my weirdness
loves me like crazy and who I’ll love like crazy too
This is a really important step, because when you write what you want, you set an intention and the universe receives that. I always teach that clarity is important in manifesting, because the clearer your vision is, the easier you make it for the universe to rearrange the odds to your favor.
So yeah, I did this. You know what happened. I met Gianpaolo – who’s exactly everything on that list.
I did the inner work.
After sending my intention to the universe, I let it go. I didn’t obsess about it. I just didn’t wanna get too attached to finding my soulmate, so I did some things that would take my mind off of that. I focused on improving myself, and loving myself – not realizing that by doing this, I was actually aligning myself to the man that I want.
As you know, everything is energy. And you attract to you who you are. If you wanna attract a high-value man, you gotta align your energy to that man by working on being a high-value woman.
In the process of healing myself, I was healing my issues with self-worth, boundaries, limiting beliefs and all things that made me repel love. I got issues with opening up to someone, I got issues with saying the words “I love you” – just really felt icky. I healed my issues with men – I was a misandrist for a time. I healed my past experiences that made me feel worthless so that I can start owning my worth again. I also worked really deeply in giving myself the love that I never received but I know I truly deserve – so that I will be able to differentiate what true love is and isn’t.
I started believing that I am worthy of true love and respect, and I am worthy to be valued. I started believing that there are good men out there, and also, that men are truly good in nature but just often misunderstood. When I started embodying these new beliefs and practiced self-love, I started naturally repelling men who would take advantage and disrespect me.
I released what I don’t want to create space for the person I want.
What does this mean? It means that, when I go out on dates, and meet someone I feel attracted to but didn’t tick everything on my list, I would say no to the possibility of the relationship.
Why is this step important? It’s because your decisions – what you say yes and no to is really going to shape your life. And every decision you’re making is sending a message to the universe.
The universe be like “So, you’re saying yes to this handsome man who definitely have some infidelity issues. So, you’re gonna be the girl who changes the bad boy now, huh? You really want this? You really wanna spend your energy catering to his issues huh? Okay then, I’mma give it to you.”
Of course that example is so judgmental of me – there’s truly a big chance that people change. But regardless of this fact, it’s really totally up to you what you decide to sign up for. If you wanna give people the benefit of the doubt, you believe in humanity, and you don’t mind getting hurt in the process, then that’s really up to you. (That’s actually what my husband signed up for – he married a girl with serious issues and I’m so thankful that he didn’t judged me and he believed that I can heal myself.)
But me, I just got some things on my list that I won’t allow, and I was rock solid with these boundaries. One in particular is that I don’t like men who loves drinking and partying so much. So, even though I was attracted to someone, if he’s into drinking and partying, I’m saying no, even if it’s hard. That’s just me and my standards.
In fact, there were times that I almost broke up with Gian when there are things that are red flags for me in the beginning. I’m just really glad he was open to changing his ways for the benefit of the relationship (I also change some things for him).
The point here is all about setting clear standards and boundaries for yourself. It’s about clearly saying to the universe that you are not settling and you’re only accepting what you know you deserve.
Take note about this, because sometimes, the universe will test you. She’ll send you people you might have a chance with or feel attracted to, but they will show some red flags, or they won’t tick everything on your list.
When this happens, make sure you stick to your wants, or maybe tweak your list a little (but remember to only tweak it to match what your truly soul wants, not to settle).
This actually happened to me. There was this guy I met through a friend, who I was going out with. We’re obviously attracted to each other, but he never made a move. So I waited and waited, but he never made the first move. He won’t make it clear that he wants a relationship with me. We just hang out as friends, and then it won’t take off from there. It took me 2 years (where did I get all that patience from?) to finally stop the nonsense that I was allowing, changed my number and never saw him again.
Literally the next day, Gian messaged me. Nice trick you got there universe.
I was happy for others who are in love.
I had to put this on the list because I see so many people be bitter about love and other people’s relationships. I got friends who don’t like it when I talk about a certain romantic gesture Gian did. Friends who loves giving bitter comments to anything love related. I mean, I totally get that they got really hurt in the past – I’ve been there too – but you gotta remember that the universe is always listening. When you’re vibing bitterness, and you hate celebrating other people’s successful romantic lives, guess what message you’re sending the universe? You’re telling the universe that you don’t want that for yourself. Your vibe is totally repelling love.
When I was single, I was constantly the third wheel or fifth wheel when I go out with my friends and their boyfriends. And I was genuinely happy for them, because hey, other people deserve to be happy too. The world doesn’t revolve around me. I’d listen to their stories, and I was comfortable spending time with them and their men. I was a believer, and I was patient. I was patient because I believe that there’s someone out there for me. And guess what, there really is.
I asked the universe for signs.
Another thing about our relationship is that, it’s guided by the universe.
Before meeting Gianpaolo, I made a deal with the universe that my future husband has to have a John in his name (long story). If he has a john in his name and he ticks everything on that list, it’s the ultimate sign that he’s the one.
I met Gian on Dec. 22, 2012 on a party. We zinged, but when I went home, I shrugged off the thought of him because I was going through a rough time then (that was the time that I left home and worked on 2 jobs). So I literally got no time.
A few weeks after meeting him, I had a dream. In the dream, my spirit guides were telling me that Gian is the one. She was like: Girl! Don’t you get it? Gian is John.
Upon waking up, I was so confused. So I searched what his name meant. I found out that Gianpaolo is Italian for John Paul. I was like, WTF? Is this for real? I decided to open my Facebook (I wasn’t online for a month), and I saw a message from him asking me for my number. The message was sent the day right after meeting him, and it was totally a just a friendly gesture (we both like to think that it was totally purely for friendship). But still, I got a little freaked out.
A lot of things happened from then, and by 2014, we started officially dating.
I let go of my attachment in finding the one.
Here’s the thing about attraction – the more you’re desperate in finding the one, the more you vibrate the energy of desperation or wanting. And when you vibe with this energy, the more you attract experiences that will cause you to feel desperation and wanting – the more you don’t meet him/her. The point? Stop obsessing about finding the one. Start living your life now for yourself. Start living your life being happy. Not only will this keep you occupied, this will also make you an interesting human being – which totally boosts your attractiveness.
When I was single, what I’d do is I’d be open to dates and never get attached to them. My mindset was “I’ll just keep having fun meeting new people, and I’mma make sure I’m not gonna be attached until someone really showed me the love that I deserve.” With this mindset, it became easier for me to keep myself focused on building myself and my dreams first. I focused on being passionate about what I wanna do, and when you do this, you’re not obsessing about the one.
I put myself out there.
Of course, some real world action is needed on my part too so I can meet the universe’s efforts. I put myself in situations where I can find a potential partner. I would hike mountains with groups, attend parties, meet friends of friends – anything that allowed me to meet new people. I didn’t do Tinder then, but some people say it’s worth a shot. Maybe you should give it a try.
I faced my fear.
The truth is, you could meet the one, but if you’re not willing to take some risks and face your fears, you won’t really manifest him/her.
When I met Gian, I was terrified. I was terrified because I never felt that way about someone, and I was so afraid to get hurt (remember my issues? lol). But because I know that he’ll be worth it, I took the leap. I got hurt a lot of times (some healthy pain really comes with love), but in exchange, I was able to experience the best feelings and moments ever.
Sometimes, you really gotta take the leap to experience the best things.
We continuously grow as a couple
The truth is that, even though I feel that Gian and I are perfect for each other, I always keep an open-mind that there’s still the possibility of us falling out of love someday. I mean, so many things can happen, right?
And you know what? I think this is a good thing. Because with this perspective, I never allowed myself to be complacent and too comfortable in our relationship, that we stop putting effort in growing together.
The thing is, people are different. Especially men and women. Omygod the difference is just too crazy. There are certain things that will really put you off about your partner. But I learned that kindness, respect, empathy, patience and communication is really the main armor you need for a lasting relationship, among other things.
So, Gian and I, we always try to communicate with respect. We tell each other about our differences in opinions, and when we try to understand each other’s points of view, and really see what the other sees, that’s where we practice patience and understanding for each other. No judgment, just pure acceptance. When this happens, that’s when you truly start feeling real love. And when you do such selfless act for your partner, he/she feels that love too.
Another important thing is that you both grow together. The thing is, everyone goes through life and in the process, they grow as an individual. Now, if you and your partner grew apart, that’s where things starts to get rocky. But if you have an understanding, and you’re both willing to work and meet in the middle because you love each other and you wanna make things work, that’s when it’ll last.
So that’s it! Of course, there is so much more things that happened that I couldn’t write about in a single blog post, but this is quite the summary of it. As you can see, my blissful marriage is fully intentional. It didn’t happen accidentally. It takes a little bit of work, but you know what, most of the work happens in the beginning of the relationship when you’re still trying to figure out each other, and also, that work is so worth the happiness that I’m experiencing right now. And also, did you notice that almost 90% of this work is all on you? So yeah, I hope you got a lot from this post, and I hope this helps you in meeting the one.
Remember, YOU ARE WORTH IT.