Today, I wanna talk to you about a huge lesson I learned big time around the first quarter of last year (yes, I keep track of everything in my journals, hence the date – sometimes my Virgo moon just takes over).
This realization is something that I embedded in my soul and wrote in my sacred Life Rules list. (This is a list of things that I learned through experiences as I journey through life, that I want to keep practicing forever.)
This one huge thing that came up for me is this: judgment had been ruining my life big time.
In fact, I’m planning on getting a tattoo on my left arm with the words “No judgment. Just empathy.” It’s that big a deal.
“Wow. She’s too sensitive, it’s annoying.”
“Why does he keep on making bad choices when the good choices are too obvious?”
“Why does she make uncomplicated things too complicated?”
“Why are people like this? Why you do this, people?”
“People are so judgmental. They’re the worst.”
I might not say it out loud, but I would sometimes find myself having these thoughts. Judgment had been a bad habit of mine (and I have to admit that they still happen in my head at times, especially when I’m having a shitty day, because, you know, it’s such a release. Still working on removing it entirely from my life, if that’s even possible).
I totally get why we love to judge. Some people just really triggers us and pushes our buttons for a lot of reasons. Maybe because their distinctions from us make us feel invalidated of who we are and how we perceive things. Maybe it’s because judging others is one way to release the emptiness, pain, hate or any negative feeling that resides within us. Or maybe it’s because we had been the recipient of judgment too, and we had adapted to this way. (Can you already sense that judgment is actually an internal issue of the one doing the judging, and not that of the person being judged?)
I’m very passionate to talk about this topic because we’re currently becoming a world of hate and criticism that division is starting to happen. With all the new media, it’s so easy for us to focus our attention towards others and give unnecessary criticisms. Just read any comments section on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and Youtube to see how judgment has been becoming an epidemic.
For me, the biggest recipient of the criticisms (in my head) are my parents. I used to judge them for every decision they made that brought us to rock bottom. But last year, I finally understood that even though they should be responsible for their actions (like almost all personal development books would say), sometimes some people – like my parents – had been dealt by the worst cards and had to go through life harder than everyone else .
This isn’t to invalidate anyone else’s suffering, and to tolerate victim mentality. The point is practicing empathy, and trying to understand everyone else’s situation, no matter how it looks like, will make the world a lot less dimmer. Because if you consider the story of each person – considering all the factors that made up who she is – you’ll realize how judgment isn’t really necessary.
Judgment is ignorance.
There are so many factors that make up a human being. There’s the different genders, country culture, race, location/environmental factors, language, family culture, institutional culture, work culture, life experiences, economical status and values. There’s the introvertion and the extravertion. There’s the different zodiac signs (sun sign, moon sign, and so many other signs), and there are the different personality types like that of the Myer-Briggs.
If you consider all these factors that make up the human being that you are judging, you cannot fully understand everything about that person, so why judge?
If you judge, you perceive someone else’s situation with the factors that YOU are dealt with, not with what she is dealt with. You label that person in your head with a different story than what is actually true. You create a false story, and that person can’t even defend herself. This is what happens when you judge.
I remember a story my professor once told us that hit me really hard. One time, he told us a story about a guy who murdered his girlfriend because she tried to break up with him. Now he’s become this wanted crazy person, who would dress up as a clown and would post creepy messages in her girlfriend’s FB account after the murder.
And when we heard this story, we couldn”t help but get angry and despise the man for the horrible things he did. “Why do human beings like him even existed?” We thought.
The next day, he told us a story about a young boy who’s very loving, but was physically, verbally and emotionally abused as a child. He’d tell us stories of how often this guy was abandoned by his parents, and how he had experienced a lot of traumatizing events throughout his life. I cried when I heard this story, thinking about how much this innocent angel of a child had to suffer.
Later on, our professor revealed that this boy was the same guy who killed that girl. And it really brought me different emotions. It made me realize how we can judge someone by seeing only one side of the story.
This isn’t to justify the man’s actions. I’m not saying that we must condone bad behavior, especially if someone had done something illegal or hurtful to another. And it’s true that some people are indeed psychopaths that really made mistakes on purpose. (But think about that too. Being a psychopath is not their choice, it’s a mental illness. So why do we judge them for this? This is hard to digest but it’s the truth.)
My point is that, judging someone is an ignorant thing to do, and will only cause more harm than good. It’s this unnecessary bad energy to spread around the world.
Judgment hurts the world.
Most broken people who are damaged by a lot of traumatic events they had experienced, have a greater tendency to make bad decisions and become more hurtful. Because of this, they’re more susceptible to other people’s judgements. And when that person realizes she’s being judged, that person will start to feel dirty, and she may carry that tag for the rest of her life.
I know this because I experienced it myself. I’ve always tried hard to be a good person, but no matter how hard you try to do the right thing, some situations would just really push you to make mistakes. It’s not because you’re a bad person, or you’re not strong enough to fight. It’s because you are human and sometimes, you’re pushed to the corner, and it could really be excruciatingly painful, that the only way to get out of that pain is to make not-so-good decisions.
And when I started making bad decisions and people knew about this, they started judging me. As I experience their disgust and disrespect towards me, I started believing that maybe I’m really a horrible person. That maybe I’m this dirty, bad and worthless person. And because of this, I would be tempted a lot of times to go the wrong direction and just live true for what they tagged me for.
This isn’t an isolated case. This happens to a lot of people everyday. And when these people go towards the unwanted path, they have the potential to become destructive to the world. Judgment is just this bad energy vibration that pushes you to make things worse.
But if people would practice empathy, it would be a different story. Think about it. If one broken person had made a small forgive-able mistake and instead of judgment, she received empathy from another human being, she will feel validated and understood. This feeling of validation and empathy will encourage her to turn back, and make things right. It will be easier for her to forgive herself, do the right thing and move on.
Doesn’t empathy sound a lot better than judgment?
Judgment hurts you too.
When you have a habit of judging others, you most likely have a habit of judging yourself too. And this hurts your well-being and happiness.
“You’re so dumb. Big fucking idiot.”
“Why can’t you make anything right?”
“You are such a horrible person. Why do you even exist.”
Yup. We judge ourselves this way too, when we don’t deserve it. Let’s stop this nonsense and practice more compassion towards yourself and others too.
Judgment hurts your manifestation
If your thoughts are all about judging someone, your subconscious can hear it. Your subconscious picks up everything you think about, and you bet that that’s what you’ll manifest.
Your subconscious doesn’t care if it’s another person that you’re judging. When you think negatively towards someone, you actually think negatively towards yourself too.
So the next time that you think that someone is so and so, your subconscious hears you loud and clear, and you will start to think about yourself like that too.
How to deal with judgment
The key to judgment is to be more self-aware when you’re doing the judging. Usually, you judging people is a symptom that there’s something inside of you that needs healing.
Think about where this need to judge is coming from. Maybe someone used to criticize everything that you do, that you adapted the habit too and you start imposing it on yourself and others. Maybe it’s an underlying hate, resentment, that you’re keeping inside your heart. Find out what it is, and start healing it.
Fill your life with self-love
Judgment, just like any negative energy in your spirit, can be healed with love.
I emphasize in my blog why loving yourself is truly important. When you have love in your heart, you will have no fuel for judgment.
Forgive yourself, practice self-compassion, patience, understanding and love, so you can do that to others too.
Is judgment ruining your life too? Share us your thoughts!