Sometimes, we tend to cling to the past version of us, hoping that we can become that person again.
On November last year, I and my college friends went out of town to hang out after years of not seeing each other. We went to this beautiful cove in our area where we were isolated for a whole 24 hours.
We set up a bonfire by the seashore under the stars. It was a beautiful night. We started to reminisce about our college days, and we’d talk about how much fun we had those days. My friends would tell stories of all the crazy things I did (I guess I haven’t always been a good girl. Whoops), that I totally forgot about.
In the middle of the conversation, I was slowly starting to get a little lonely. I realized how much I truly missed that girl. That girl was sassy, daring, badass, and has huge energy that scatters among the squad. She doesn’t give that much fucks, and she thinks that life is only supposed to be celebrated.
But as I was munching on my ‘smores, I realized that she was gone now. The person I am right now is so different than who I used to be. The world wounded me so bad that I don’t recognize that girl anymore.
I started looking at the sky and started to feel a little lonely that things turned out this way.
I wonder what my life would look like if those battles didn’t happen to me. Maybe I’m still that fun and crazy girl who just likes to laugh most hours of the day.
I was in the middle of these self-pitying thoughts when I heard my higher self ask me a question (like the wise and badass angel she is):
“Hey lady. You seriously thinking like that? What if clinging on to her is what’s stopping you from fully embracing and loving who you are now?”
And I snapped out of my silly thoughts. That message shook me up big time. She was right. I can’t move forward because I kept on wanting to be the old version of me, and because of this, I cannot fully feel worthy of living the best life because I secretly wish I was a different person. I’m looking down on the new person I presently am, thinking that I can’t be as good enough as the old me.
With this new perspective, I made the commitment to stop clinging on to my past, let go, and fully embrace and appreciate who I had become.
After all, those heartbreaks and pains taught me so much about life. It taught me how to know my true worth, own my power, discover my truth, be bold, and so many more lessons.
I also realized that I was only looking at the good stuff that happened in the past. I wasn’t zooming in and seeing the whole picture. I was blinded by my own daydreaming and was unconsciously excluding the unpleasant stuff. I tend to romanticize my past just because I didn’t like my present.
So that day, I decided that it will be the last day I would mourn for her. That day, I truly let go.
Although it’s true that I might not be able to bring her back, the good news is, I can always create a new version of me. I’m a work in progress, and whoever I want to be is possible to manifest.
I thought then that the universe perhaps has her reasons for making me who I was at that time, and who I was that time, was the best person who I needed to be, and I made peace with that.
And as I write this on May 2019 today, I was right. After just a few months since that November, I’m now in a space of pure love for myself. I’m so madly in love with who I’d become and every day, I’m loving her even more. I now appreciate everything that had happened to me because I turned out to be the human I want to be.
Everything truly happens for our highest good. We just gotta trust our journey.